So often I have heard people say they are sorry for my loss, but I have heard very few say the same to my husband. True, he has not had constant medical problems for the last 3 years but he still lost his child. I think it is important for people to acknowledge his loss and his struggle. This is unfortunate because it perpetuates the idea that he did not lose and he cannot grieve.
Actually, along that thought process I have come in contact with many who believe NEITHER of us lost or should grieve. I agree with pro-choice and the idea that in order to make that legal you have to legally decide when a fetus is a child or person. So I guess technically I lost my unborn child or even my fetus but lets be honest we lost our baby. I don't even think that is the real reason people brush it off, I think people just don't understand that loss (thankfully) and don't know how to treat it. Is it really better to know your child and see them grow before they pass away? Does that make them more real or more meaningful? Isn't it just as bad NOT to know your child before you lose them? Some have given me a hard time or don't understand why I can't move on. If I had a toddler who was... hit by a car would you ask why it's taking so long for me to move past it? If my baby died of SIDS would you say at least it happened early? I didn't think so. My grief is valid, my husband's grief is valid and I don't have to explain that to anyone.
Absolutely, Liz. Losing your child is a huge loss and both of you should grieve. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThanks for the supporty Kali, we def appreciate it. =)
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