Everyday tasks

This week I freaked out and had a mini meltdown in Target.  They just rearranged the one by my place so I don't know where everything is and I was looking at the neat Nick and Nora pajamas with the dancing skeletons on them when I accidentally wandered into the kids section.  I suddenly found myself surrounded by tiny Longhorns jerseys, baby onesies and Halloween costumes that were so cute.  I was tearing up touching all the soft fabric and the teeny clothes that fit in my hand and wondered if I would ever get to shop in that section for myself. 
In a moment of clarity I decided to get away from those items and look at something that would make me happier, shoes.
I considered buying a pair of super tall black heels that I would probably rarely wear and tried to decide if i wanted rain boots that were big enough to fit over my sneakers or not.  Then as I turned to walk down the next aisle with a small smile starting on my face, I was face to face with the tiniest Converse shoes I had ever seen and it all started again.  I sat on the floor between the shoe aisles and cried like an idiot at Target.

I find it is the everyday tasks I try to do that hurt the most.  When I am working or laughing or doing something mundane and unexpectedly I am reminded that the thing most people take for granted as an inevitable part of their life may never be mine.  Or worst, a specific situation or expression from my husband will sit in my brain and force me to relive something I never wanted to go through.

Its the little things....