Two birds with one stone

I have a huge list of things to get done lately and I constantly find myself putting them off for the long list of new things that come up or the even longer list of new things I think up for myself.  I am going to take a second and do something that two different ladies urged me to do recently, brag a little.  Now, that is not exactly how they put it, they're eloquent, but that is what I am going to do.

HOLY CRAP!!!  My husband just electrocuted himself with the washer.  Seriously, his whole arm is tingling and he keeps babbling about how he's bad at electricity.  I'm not sure what to do with him.....

Sorry about that.  Well, back to the topic.  I was talking to my therapist in my last visit about how I am having a hard time getting past my miscarriage because I feel like it made me question myself about a lot of things I had never questioned before.  I feel like I am not the person I was always sure that I was.  I have always considered myself very strong and in control of most things in my life and this has just left me feeling so broken and unsure.  Its an odd feeling for me.  I have been sure of myself and my convictions for as long as I remember.  I cannot remember a time when I did not know who I was.  Not being sure of that now has left me feeling very raw and scared.  I would like to note however, that feeling sure and strong does not mean I was not open,  I think it is important to be open to all options and change your mind sometimes.  When I was talking to her she asked me what confidence was made of and what I thought a strong person meant.  She also reminded me that I was not hiding from my feelings or refusing to acknowledge my issues but wading through them and looking for a way out instead of settling.  I was being strong in a different way.  Instead of being a stable rock for myself and others I was something more fluid and malleable that moved through and around the fears and issues.  -btw I just love her she is awesome
My homework from that session was to think of what makes me a strong person and what I like about myself.  I am supposed to make a list of the things about myself that make me happy.

Shortly after that I read a post from Miss Mandy Hornbuckle that was similar.  -she is also pretty awesome
Apparently, someone asked her 'What do you think you're really, really good at? Like, probably better than anybody you know at?' and she was unsure of what to say at first.  But she made a wonderful blog post about the things in her life she is good at doing and I enjoyed reading it very much.  She also challenged people at the end to brag about themselves a little bit and tell what they are good at.  I think I will take her up on that offer and combine that with my list for my therapist. 

This has turned into kind of a long post when it was meant to be an intro to that list so I think I will complete it for tomorrow.  SOOO...... Folks, look for my list of things I am good at tomorrow.  I urge you to make your own and I urge you share it with others.  We should never be scared to point out our strong points as well as our flaws.  A person who does either too often is leading an unfortunate life most likely.

Five Minute Friday-Older

Once again I am taking Gypsy Mama's idea and writing for 5 min fri.  You write for just five minutes on the topic and don't censor or correct yourself.  After five minutes post what you have.  =)
I'm catching up on ones I have missed.


Older....
I am a year older than my husband and we constantly tease each other about the age difference.  I always ask him if he's old enough to drink and he calls me his sugar mama.  That difference makes a huge difference sometimes though.  When I was starting college he was dating a 'co-ed' and still in high school.  When I was finding a part time job that would filter into my career goals he was aspiring to be a waiter instead of a bus boy.  When he says we can wait a few years for children I start to count how close to 30 that is.  That one short year turns into a very large chasm sometimes.  Others I don't even notice it.  It astonishes me the cultural references he doesn't get because he was too young while I was only a year older and remember is clearly.  That gap can be pretty frustrating when it feels like we have two different maturity levels but I know that the different perspectives are what really matter and help show the other person a different view of things.

Catching up is hard to do

No matter how many times I log into blogspot or how many times I edit what I have started or list what I would like to say, I just can't get started.  Soooooo..... we're gonna just start with a list of stuff I wanted to touch on and if posts come from that later than great if not, I got something out.  I just need somewhere to start.

• That poor little girl and her evil mom in TX, how could that crazy jury let her off?  That just shows you how precious your children are because some people don't deserve them.  Her parents LOVED that child, if she didn't want her she should have let someone else love her.  Give her to your parents and run off and have the life you want.  Give her to an agency that will find her a home that loves her more than you do.  Hell, leave her with a fire station or police station or hospital; TX has made it very easy to give your child up without hurting it.  There are 'Safe Drop' place everywhere that will take a child with no questions asked and get them to the right place.  If you don't love your child, find someone who will.  There are too many options to feel like murder is correct for you.
• I have started back to therapy and am really working through my feelings with my awesome counselor.  I would like to dedicate a post to something she said yesterday about being a strong vs weak person.
• My awesome husband is at home right now cooking so I will have dinner when he is showing property tonight.  I just really love him.
• Vacation is coming up quick, if I can save all the money I need I will have a great time.  If not, we'll still have a good time with friends and family.  CANNOTWAIT.
• I need a new set of goals for myself.  I really feel like I did well with my goals before and having something to work towards makes me feel much less lost.
• I still really REALLY want my tattoo I just can't seem to get it right.  =(

Five Minute Friday-Beauty

Once again I am taking Gypsy Mama's idea and writing for 5 min fri.  You write for just five minutes on the topic and don't censor or correct yourself.  After five minutes post what you have.  =)
I'm catching up on ones I have missed.


Beauty....
Thinking of beauty inevitably makes me think of photography and make me miss it.  I love taking photos and would have loved to make that my career in life.  Unfortunately, that was not in my cards and I use it solely as a hobby now.  The beauty you can capture with a lens always makes me hold my breath while I am waiting for the print to develop or the preview to show.  I can make things look better or worst, bigger or smaller and I can keep the beauty I see around me in a small way with my camera. 

Five Minute Friday-Whole

Once again I am taking Gypsy Mama's idea and writing for 5 min fri.  You write for just five minutes on the topic and don't censor or correct yourself.  After five minutes post what you have.  =)
I'm catching up on weeks I have missed.

Whole....
I feel a whole lot better than I did a couple of weeks ago but I am still working on getting completely better.
I have a huge fear that I will never feel whole again.  I worry that my loss has changed me too much and will not let me be the person I was before.  I wonder if I will be happy someday without the thought of what was lost.  I wonder if things will always be weird and funny.  I generally feel good about our decision not to force things though, and I am happy we are talking and taking control of things again.  I want to have a happy home and family, if the children in my life are not included in my home then so be it.  It doesn't make life less full or me less whole.

Walking Dead

Soooooo I have made plans to finish all of my half done posts and catch up on my 5MF and start thoughts on a new set of challenges but I have gotten sick, and I'm talking REALLY sick, every time I start to get it done.  I'm taking some time tonight and just getting it over with.  I will make the time if I have to because I like updating but have gotten out of the habit and feel like I can't put random posts up until I have finished the ones I have started.  I spent the last 3 weeks feeling like a zombie just shuffling around my house and office feeling ridiculously awful.  My wonderful husband TB is very sick of me being sick and has started giving me this super concerned brow furrow every time I say I don't feel well.  I have also had to make up all the time I missed in the office and have been pretty swamped.  Also our house guest JP is a little more time consuming than I thought she would be.  Still happy to have her though.  =)

Alive

I'm not dead, just been a zombie lately.  Sick and busy at work do not mix.  I promise to post again soon soon soon.