Disconnected

My computer is dying again so I had no Internet all weekend.  Sucks.  This just means my computer genius brother A will have to come and try to fix it again. Ugh.

As I have said before my husband and I are very different.  We probably couldn't be more different from one another if we tried to be.  This weekend we came upon on a discussion that I just can't get out of my head.  I was on the computer writing (this is shortly before it stopped working) and he was outside grilling steaks for dinner.  YUM!  He peeked his head in and asked how my blog was going.  He knows that I have been struggling with our loss for the last few years and that I started this with trepidation so he has been very sweetly asking me how its going.  I told him that I was enjoying the feeling of getting my thoughts out in some form and the idea that I might share something was stimulating.  He smiled and said thats good cause he has been wondering but had not read it before he went back outside.  I went on the patio and told him that I wanted to make sure that he knew that I was not saying anything bad about him and it was not private and if he wanted to he was welcome to read my thoughts and just as welcome no to.  I just wanted him to know I had no objections or feelings either way.  He told me that reading it might be too hard.  Unfortunately T has been suffering silently in his own head since it happened and his feelings only come up in subject changes ang passive aggressive tendencies. 

It got me thinking, I have always thought it is best to handle a problem head on, to confront it and push through it until it is no longer a problem.  T feels the opposite way and ignores it until it goes away or becomes something he can handle.  I have tried my way for years and I still break down and cry and get bitter and upset I still have very strong feelings.  Maybe his way is something to try. 

Either way it makes me feel very disconnected from him when he lets me see he hurting but won't let me help.  But thats just me really trying to help and fix everyone and everything.  My way just makes me feel disconnected from the rest of the world.  I guess there's no right answer.