That's right guys, I said xmas carols make me homicidal. As in, they make me want to kill people. All people near me or said carols.
It is the 15th of November today and although I am aware that the holidays insist on coming soon and it is getting chillier outside I am NOT ready for xmas carols. ugh. I can deal with crowded grocery stores, traveling and the long and expensive list of gifts I want to get for people because those are all things I inflict on myself for one reason or another. Carols however, I cannot stand.
What did I hear when I came into work this morning (while groggy and not feeling well, I add) freaking xmas carols! So I ask, 'What is that noise, are those xmas songs I hear already?, with my nose crinkled and my face frowning. Our office assistant says, 'Yes,' and I tell her, 'Please listen to them quietly because they make me angry.' She looks at me with big wide eyes and says, 'But, I love them.' ugh. So I'm a scrooge and she hates me.
Luckily most of the day I don't hear them but when no one is printing and I'm not on the phone, fa la la la la drifts into my cubicle/office thing where my desk is and my blood boils. I sit and try not to make a big deal out of it and be a grouch but OH MY FREAKING GOD they drive me crazy.
Tis the freaking season I guess.....
I miscarried in 2007 in my 2nd trimester and have dealt with medical/emotional issues since then, trying to move past the problems and the pain. Every day is a chance to find a silver lining and a positive outlook on my now changed life. There is a 7% chance I can conceive, and that is only if my health changes dramatically soon. I would'nt have thought about children at this time in my life had it not been taken from me.
A little background info....
I have been dealing with medical issues regarding my reproduction capability for the last three and a half years after a very bad miscarriage situation. As I was working through a difficult period one day I realized that more and more people and characters around me seem to be dealing with similar circumstances. TV shows, movies, neighbors and friends are struggling because they cannot or may not have children. This is a place to express my feelings about my situation and hopefully help someone else express theirs.
I may not know what other mothers know, but I am a mother without my child and I do what I can to cope.
I may not know what other mothers know, but I am a mother without my child and I do what I can to cope.
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