My uteran pain is terrible today, doesn't help that today was stressful so my teeth and all my muscles are clenched. I have this radiating paid from beneath my stomach that shoots into my legs and spreads across my thighs so as I sit at my desk all day long I feel alternately numb and intense pain through them. By about 2 o'clock on these days I want to chop my legs off to lessen the pain. But thats not generally the best solution. The doc tells me its just because everything is pushing against each other because my uterus is still too large so there's pain. This is different somehow from when I had pain because an infection was attacking my tubes and uterus and also different from the pain I will feel when my uterus starts to contract and shrink. So basically I'm screwed.
My legs are stiff, my arms ache, I randomly sigh, grunt or yell. I think these hard knots in my neck are the bolts growing in.
I miscarried in 2007 in my 2nd trimester and have dealt with medical/emotional issues since then, trying to move past the problems and the pain. Every day is a chance to find a silver lining and a positive outlook on my now changed life. There is a 7% chance I can conceive, and that is only if my health changes dramatically soon. I would'nt have thought about children at this time in my life had it not been taken from me.
A little background info....
I have been dealing with medical issues regarding my reproduction capability for the last three and a half years after a very bad miscarriage situation. As I was working through a difficult period one day I realized that more and more people and characters around me seem to be dealing with similar circumstances. TV shows, movies, neighbors and friends are struggling because they cannot or may not have children. This is a place to express my feelings about my situation and hopefully help someone else express theirs.
I may not know what other mothers know, but I am a mother without my child and I do what I can to cope.
I may not know what other mothers know, but I am a mother without my child and I do what I can to cope.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment