A little background info....

I have been dealing with medical issues regarding my reproduction capability for the last three and a half years after a very bad miscarriage situation. As I was working through a difficult period one day I realized that more and more people and characters around me seem to be dealing with similar circumstances. TV shows, movies, neighbors and friends are struggling because they cannot or may not have children. This is a place to express my feelings about my situation and hopefully help someone else express theirs.

I may not know what other mothers know, but I am a mother without my child and I do what I can to cope.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Will it never end?

So I heard from the doctor today and pending tests in December and January it looks like I am definitely going to have to be 'induced'  again in March.  Ugh.  NOT looking forward to that feeling.  I had this done in September and basically I will be part of another experimental treatment in a long line of what-new-and-strange-thing-can-we-try-now.  Last time they gave me what equates to a triple dose of Pitocin in a shot and pill form that will make my uterus have contractions for 2 1/2 days every hour or so and put me in miserable pain.  It should be illegal to put a person through labor and not give them a baby after its done!
Last time we decided to do this they told me I couldn't be left alone and I had to take my temperature every 2 hours and I had to be lucid and carefully watched to make sure I don't rupture anything.  Not fun!  Luckily I have a lot of support and other than the pain, the awful awful pain, and the terrible flash back memories of my miscarriage it wasn't that bad.  At least its better than the time they shot medicine directly into my uterus after they INFLATED it, yes inflated it, and I had to lay on my back for 5 days.  I did that twice.  Sounds crazy to you?  Its a freaking circus.

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