A little background info....

I have been dealing with medical issues regarding my reproduction capability for the last three and a half years after a very bad miscarriage situation. As I was working through a difficult period one day I realized that more and more people and characters around me seem to be dealing with similar circumstances. TV shows, movies, neighbors and friends are struggling because they cannot or may not have children. This is a place to express my feelings about my situation and hopefully help someone else express theirs.

I may not know what other mothers know, but I am a mother without my child and I do what I can to cope.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Guilty as Charged

So I did something slightly horrendous this past weekend.  It was of course Thanksgiving so we made the rounds to the family members and food and had a good time getting together with everyone.  Everything was great until we started watching football.  Two things you may not know?  I LOVE LOVE LOVE football and usually yell and throw things during the course of the game.  And I cuss all the time.  Constantly.  A friend once told me I could make a sailor blush.  So I'm watching the Cowboys play (play well for a change)  and out comes the f bomb in the crowded living room.  TB's Aunt AS chided me and I immediately felt awful.  His family is really nice and sweet and quiet and I am cussing at the game on TV.  Fail liz, Fail!
What is worst than that?  I did it again later!!  TB's grandfather was saying something to me and I was still worked up from the game and another fuck fell right out of my mouth.  RIGHT TO HIM!!!!   I don't get embarrassed very often but I have to tell you that I was completely mortified!! ugh. 

Well the point to this is that it made me think about my own baby guilt and it has been something I have been trying to work up to for a while now.  So this week, I'm gonna write about it.  Get fucking ready.

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