So... I'm feeling very nervous about Friday so instead of dealing with it head on I am pretending it isn't happening and focusing on the fact that I get to go to the Blackhawks v Stars game tonight with my awesome dad that invited me. He got tickets from his mom for his bday and is taking me with yay. I love love love hockey and get extra excited to go to an actual Stars game because they are such a blast. It is also a ton of fun because my dad is from Chicago and loves the Blackhawks so its fun to tease him since they always seem to lose when we go together. Since I am a Stars fan first I cheer for them but Hawks come in second for me so no matter how the game turns out it is always fun. Hockey games are really the only thing him and I do together so its a nice treat when we do it. Plus he didn't take his mom who gave him the tickets, his wife or father, or either of his sons, he wants to take me and it makes me feel good. -Seeking my father's approval because I never got it as a child you say? No no couldn't be.
We have never had the traditional father-daughter relationship, we haven't really gotten along most of our lives and most of our interactions when I lived at home were screaming fights. You could say I inherited his explosive anger. I have to say though, I am amazed how good things are between us now. He drank heavily for a long time and being the oldest child and my father's daughter I felt the need to protect the rest of the family so I jumped in the middle of my parents' fights and constantly challenged him in every way possible. I spent a lot of time being angry at the the things he did and said. He stopped drinking and started an AA program about a month before I moved out, I haven't really lived with him sober and I think that is why it took me much longer than the others to come around once he was. He said something to me however, after I moved out that will forever stick in my head and something I will always cherish especially because I am finding that it is rare. He told me that he knew I was angry and he did a lot of hurt me and our family and that he wanted us to have a good relationship and knew it would take giving me some space to work on my anger over everything. He told me to take as long as I needed and not to feel forced into a happy relationship that wasn't there yet and that he would be there for me when I was ready to let him in again. The fact that he recognized what I was going through and wanted to give me the time and space to work it out means the absolute world to me. And you know, that is exactly what happened. He did not force hugs, conversations or family gatherings and let me deal with things and move back into our relationship slowly. I have to say now that he and I still clash and think very differently so we fight sometimes and I really don't think I could ever live with him again but our relationship is pretty great. We talk and laugh and joke around when we see each other, we have a special silly kind of humor that has always been a part of our interactions. We talk about sports and watched the Stanley Cup Championship games together. (The championship games were about the time he started calling me his 3rd son since I am the only kid who wants to watch sports with him. I keep telling him since I am the oldest I am the 1st son, which inevitably makes my mom yell from the other room that I am her only daughter and he can"t take that away so don't call me a son. lol) I am truly grateful for the gift he gave me when he gave me the time to move past his indiscretions as well as my own.
-Speaking of hockey, he just text me to trash talk about the game tonight lol-
I really love my dad and am so excited for tonight and overall excited that things seem to get better and better between us.
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