A little background info....

I have been dealing with medical issues regarding my reproduction capability for the last three and a half years after a very bad miscarriage situation. As I was working through a difficult period one day I realized that more and more people and characters around me seem to be dealing with similar circumstances. TV shows, movies, neighbors and friends are struggling because they cannot or may not have children. This is a place to express my feelings about my situation and hopefully help someone else express theirs.

I may not know what other mothers know, but I am a mother without my child and I do what I can to cope.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Listing some more

I'm scared...
  • that I'm missing something huge in my life.
  • I won't be enough for TB for the rest of our lives.
  • I will be too much for TB for the rest of our lives.
  • TB and I will never be ok again.
  • I will carry this pain with me forever.
  • I'm not as strong as I thought I was.
  • I'll have to rely on other people.
  • I won't be able to protect another child.
  • I might resent the people I love.
  • I will feel lonely forever.
  • TB is more hurt than he lets on.
  • I can't help TB with his pain.
  • I can't help my own pain.
  • TB will get impatient waiting for me to be ready.
  • TB will agree to children before he is ready.
  • someone I don't know will ask why I don't have kids.
  • I'll be rude to people who ask innocent questions.
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