Previously, I explained some of my guilt about the miscarriage and how that is affecting my first step in my challenge and keeps me from sharing my blog with others in my life. Well there is another part to the nagging feeling that has so far kept me from posting anything about my blog or divulging it to but a few friends and family members. That would be my shame. I am completely ashamed of myself for a few reasons and I think that has played a big part in my feet dragging.
I am ashamed that I could not protect my baby.
I am ashamed that I may never bear a child.
I am ashamed that I feel so emotionally fragile now.
I am ashamed that the smallest things can make me upset.
I am ashamed to be weak, soft or unstable.
I am ashamed to feel the twinge of sadness in my stomach when someone announces their pregnancy.
I am ashamed that my mind thinks only of me when someone else is getting what I want.
I am ashamed that I have not gotten through this.
I am ashamed to ask others for help with a problem I feel like I should be able to handle.
I am ashamed that I am a different person now than I once was.
I am ashamed because I feel like I will never be the same again.
I have never felt ashamed for anything I have done in my life, I have always owned my mistakes and used them as tools. Regrets mean you are not learning from your situation. This new painful feeling is not me and it sucks. I don't know how to get rid of it.
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