Share our Fears

Part of my challenge was to talk to my husband about our fears, more specifically about our fears regarding babies, no babies and what that means in our future.  It may seem odd that I scheduled this talk months ago but my husband is not very open to talking about these kinds of things and he needed the time to prepare and we both needed the time to be in a healthier place before we started spitting out things that scared us instead of our fears.  There is a difference.  Things scare us every day, small things, big things, uncontrollable things.  Talking about what scares you is pretty pointless most of the time.  Your fears however, are the things that lurk in your mind and distract you.  They are what really makes you nervous, really makes you want to run away.

It turns out that TB and I have exactly the same fears.  We are both nervous that I will never really be healthy we are both afraid that I will always be weak and tired and constantly trudging to doctors.  We are both afraid that family will continue to put pressure on us and not understand the decisions we make.  Being the oldest kids, oldest grand kids and the first married in our families puts some pressure on us.  As does knowing that ALL of our family members are EXPECTING kids.  They don't all necessarily expect these kids to come from us but they expect them from somewhere.  No one else is even close to marriage and children of our siblings and cousins so the eyes naturally fall on us.  -I do have a couple of cousins who just got married (not to each other) but they are younger and in the service and school so I don't think they are thinking babies.-  My family tends to be more 'curious' than his family and I don't think they realize that their questions and concerns can be weighty.  I had to explain for a while that my mom refusing to believe we will not have children is her way of helping.  She believes in positive thinking strongly and feels like as long as she is optimistic and sure it will happen, then it will.  This is perceived as lots of pressure by TB but I think she is just trying to help.

Overall it was a really nice talk to have.  =)