Scared out of my mind but feeling strong

Ok so today is December 31st and last night I finished my list for my 6 month mental health challenge.  I have to tell you that I am happy to have this finished but scared to death about almost every step, especially the first one.  This is the outline of my plan and I will evaluate every month to see if I need to add, change, delete or rearrange any of my steps.  Here goes.

1/10  Tell people I have a blog.  I have only told a few close friends so I am going to do something crazy scary and post it on facebook.  (Did you just hear a scream from across town?  Yes yes you did because I'm terrified.  Its gonna take a lot of coaxing to make my fingers do it.)


1/20  Make a list of fears.  I realized that I'm scared of a lot of things in the baby/pregnant/parent area and I plan to write this down so its at least out of my head and I can start to deal with it.


1/31 Evaluate.


2/10  Say my fears out loud to another person.  AHhH!!!!!!!! Scary.  Again.


2/20  Discuss my fears with someone/people.  I thought maybe a couple different people might be good so I could get some different opinions but I at least need to discuss this with someone.  Out loud.  Scary.


2/28  Evaluate.


3/10  Make a list of questions for TB.  (My husband and I don't really talk about this very much and I know we are both still very hurt from it so we agreed to make a list of questions, sans the BIG 'when' question, and talk to each other.)


3/20  Babysit someone's kid or kids.  I think this would help us, I know it would help me, and I love all my friends' kids.  =)  (looking for volunteers to enjoy an afternoon or evening out alone)


3/31  Evaluate.


4/10  Talk about questions with TB.  We will exchange questions and answer honestly.


4/20  Tell someone new about the miscarriage.  This one scares me but I think its a good idea, my husband is smart.


4/30 Evaluate.


5/10  Talk about my fears with TB.  I think giving myself time to rationalize all my fears is good before I overload my husband with all my craziness.  He has also agreed to talk about his which is HUGE.


5/20  Look into a support group.  I think maybe talking to some other people who have gone through similar medical trauma would help me put mine in better perspective. 


5/31  Evaluate.


6/10  Get a tattoo.  This is another suggestion from my husband.  I have wanted for a while a tattoo that symbolizes my baby and it would be a nice thing to actually do.


6/14  Assess my mental health, decide on a new 6 month plan and discuss the baby plan with TB. 

Yikes.  Seems to simple and sooooo hard.  Gonna need some help with a few of these.  If you feel like you want to you are welcome, I certainly don't expect you to if you don't want though.

Oh man, this is gonna be tough.