A little background info....

I have been dealing with medical issues regarding my reproduction capability for the last three and a half years after a very bad miscarriage situation. As I was working through a difficult period one day I realized that more and more people and characters around me seem to be dealing with similar circumstances. TV shows, movies, neighbors and friends are struggling because they cannot or may not have children. This is a place to express my feelings about my situation and hopefully help someone else express theirs.

I may not know what other mothers know, but I am a mother without my child and I do what I can to cope.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Pain in the ass

So my pain went away for a week or so but its back and its angry.  I have had shooting lightning bolts of pain screeching down my legs all day long and it just sucks.  Not a lot to write about today but I can give you a small update.

  • work is crazy and it drives me nuts
  • my legs are killing me and I just wanna curl up with my cat at home
  • my husband alternately drives me crazy mad and crazy happy and I cannot figure out if thats a good or bad thing
  • at what point do I give up?  when do I tell my doc enough is enough and just cut it all out and put my head in a jar like futurama?
  • All my clothes are too small or too large because my stomach continues to swell and reduce constantly, sometimes several times in the same day
  • All my clothes are also either too cold or too hot, nothing seems to make me comfortable lately
  • I feel myself getting bitter and angry and I'm not sure how to stop it
  • I really don't want to be the person I think my body is making me
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