Once again I am taking Gypsy Mama's idea and writing for 5 min fri. You write for just five minutes on the topic and don't censor or correct yourself. After five minutes post what you have. =)
Backwards.....
(I am aware I'm late and its not Friday)
My baby fears always make me feel like I'm falling backwards. As soon as I feel like I am strong and moving past my insecurities something stupid happens that makes me feel like I am falling backwards. My little cousin saying he wants me to babysit him makes me tear up, seeing photos of my friends' kids on facebook, meeting babies for the first time all make feel so out of control. I had the pleasure of meeting my husband's cousin's kids and they are so cute and adorable, I just didn't know what to do. Looking at them simultaneously makes my heart ache and swell. I am so happy to have these kids in my life I just want to be sure I am not clouding that good fortune with my own stupid feelings. I am finding that since my pain is a little less raw than before I am not sure how to really deal with it. I don't burst into tears or avoid kids so when I see them I find myself feeling blue and going back to my old thoughts. I start to question myself and if I"m doing things right. I start to wonder if I am as strong as I thought I was.
No comments:
Post a Comment