Its been a long time been a long time been a long lonely lonely lonely tiiime

I know its been a while guys but man, I have been going through a lot lately.  We've been working like mad to save for our vacation and our cruise deposit for my brother's wedding next year, my MIL was in the hospital and my grandmother and great grandmother were in and out a few times too.  Difficult work stress plus trying to find the energy to live life.  We started a crazy project to clean the WHOLE house out all at once cause I'm smart.  I had an evaluation with the Doc and I have been waiting not so patiently for the results.  I have been stressing about the choices I will need to make very soon and all that comes with that.  And then there's that precarious balance between I need to make my own decision about my body and you're my husband so I want your input.

The biggest thing I have dealt with lately seems to be my meds though.  They are forever tweaking and changing and reevaluating the meds I get since I am in another experimental trial.  I go to the doctor four times a week, twice to get my blood work done and checked and twice to get GIANT shots to pump me full o meds.  Fun.  These things make me SOOOOOOO sick it's just awful.  I hate it.  I have no energy, I get nothing done, I can barely make it to work and back some days.  My immune system is down again so my allergies are killing me and I am staying VERY far away from anyone that may be sick or look sick or seem sick or stood near someone else that seemed sorta sick.  I just can't afford to be wiped out with something stupid like a cold right now.

Well these meds are kicking my ass so the logical next step is to up the dosage.  Yaay.  This is the third week on the new dosage and the first week I looked like the walking dead for five days (that 5x the days I looked shitty on the previous dosage just so you have a reference) but the second week and now today I am feeling surprisingly good.  I have gotten lots of projects done at work and helped clean up the house, I have even had energy to help with dinner which almost never happens anymore.

So I have this theory... it is completely in my own mind and has no actual medical basis, I'm just kinda hoping that I'm right.  So you know when you're in a car accident or something and they give you pain killers?  Well as long as you are in a ton of pain the pain killers just sorta soak that up, and when you take one and you are in less pain they make you kinda high and loopy.  The pills work when there is pain to counteract and they have side effects (whether you see them as good or bad is up to you I guess) when they aren't being used up.  Well I am hoping that the new dosage is actually working and that is why I have the energy to do stuff.  I am hoping that I was feeling bad before when they weren't working and now that I am feeling ok that's a sign they are working.  Makes a little sense right?  Maybe not.  Maybe I'm just crazy.