I am catching up on the Fridays that I have missed in the last month.
Once again I am taking Gypsy Mama's idea and writing for 5 min fri. You write for just five minutes on the topic and don't censor or correct yourself. After five minutes post what you have. =)
Wonder...
I wonder constantly what my life would be like if I had taken other avenues. I think about the obvious ones. Would my child be alive if I had been more careful? Would be marriage be better or worst if we had kids now? Would things be different for me if I just left one day and never looked back for friends or family? I just wonder. I tend to keep my thoughts so bottled up that eventually I get super stressed and all the walls cave in on me and I cannot breathe. I wonder if he thought of me before he kicked the chair, I wonder if TB wishes for a different life or partner, I wonder if all of my wondering is hurting or helping me. I just wonder a lot. My mind floats to better and worst scenarios when I pause at my desk or check my alarm clock. My thoughts drift to new ideas and possibilities when I close my eyes and my muscles ache to think things could be different then they are now. Each and every scenario brings me to the same conclusion, life is hard, life is hard no matter what choices you make or roads you travel. Life is hard so that you don't forget how fleeting it is. Take a deep breath mwc and take the next step forward.
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