Two of Us

Sometimes I am too independent.  Sometimes I forget that every SINGLE thing that I do can affect TB.  If you don't know me in person then you don't know how fiercely independent I am, and have always been.  I spent a lot of my life figuring things out for myself and taking care of whatever situation I was in on my own.  Doing this means that I don't always think about the other people involved in the choices that I make.  A few weeks ago TB and I went to see our favorite band Night Train at the local bar they usually play at.  This place is a dive bar for sure and the people that hang out there are not always the classiest.  To keep the story short I got into a heated argument with some guy that was in my face and trying to push me around and putting his hands on me.  He was being inappropriate and saying some really nasty things so hothead that I am, I got back in his face and things just escalated.  It took 3 people to keep me from hitting this guy in the face for the crap he was saying.  I will absolutely tell you that is not the best decision or the right choice but in my beer soaked, pissed off moment that's where we were.  I don't pick fights, I tried to stay calm but I eventually felt like I needed to defend myself.

The next day I had a conversation with TB and he let me know he was upset that I had gotten so angry and was scared I would be arrested if I was fighting in the bar with some guy.  All justified concerns.  We worked it out and he wasn't mad at me or anything because he knew I was defending myself myself and it wasn't like I drunkenly took a swing at someone, they legitimately started an incident.  It did take a little while for him to shake off how upset he was at the idea that I might get in a fight or go to jail or anything similar.  This whole thing made me think about the choices that I make.  I am the type of person who really over thinks things and while I am sure whatever I am thinking about is the best choice for me, I don't always remember to think about how TB might feel.  I'm not making crazy life decisions or anything but it would definitely be a good idea to think about the things I do when my temper takes over.

I would think after 8 years together, 6 years living together and 4 years married that we would have a better routine down but it's hard for us to get used to one another.  Living 5 years of our lives in grief and bad health has not helped either.  So goes marriage.