I miscarried in 2007 in my 2nd trimester and have dealt with medical/emotional issues since then, trying to move past the problems and the pain. Every day is a chance to find a silver lining and a positive outlook on my now changed life. There is a 7% chance I can conceive, and that is only if my health changes dramatically soon. I would'nt have thought about children at this time in my life had it not been taken from me.
A little background info....
I have been dealing with medical issues regarding my reproduction capability for the last three and a half years after a very bad miscarriage situation. As I was working through a difficult period one day I realized that more and more people and characters around me seem to be dealing with similar circumstances. TV shows, movies, neighbors and friends are struggling because they cannot or may not have children. This is a place to express my feelings about my situation and hopefully help someone else express theirs.
I may not know what other mothers know, but I am a mother without my child and I do what I can to cope.
I may not know what other mothers know, but I am a mother without my child and I do what I can to cope.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Wish You Were Here
Wish You Were Here
Pink Floyd
So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell
Blue skies from pain
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in a war
For a lead role in a cage?
How, how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl
Year after Year
Running over the same old ground
What have we found?
The same old fears
Wish you were here
I had the last paragraph (the chorus) tattooed on my leg on the year anniversary of EB's death. It was a song he had sung many times and we had listened to together over and over again. It perfectly encompassed the way I was feeling, and still feel, about his passing. TB and I have been so lost since his death, we go over the memories and places that were important but none of them have the spark they used to without EB. These lyrics are also for my baby. While I don't have the personal connection with this song and the baby that that I do with EB and the song, it again is the way I feel we have been since those huge losses that May five years ago. When I look at those lyrics or hear that song, I feel that they frame my new life after loss so well.
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